Oh my god, I so need a break right now.
So not happy with what I am doing right now. WHY am I putting myself through this? I wish its not too late for me to find out what I really want to do in life.. =(
Oh my god, I so need a break right now.
So not happy with what I am doing right now. WHY am I putting myself through this? I wish its not too late for me to find out what I really want to do in life.. =(
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“This one’s for you and me
Living out a dream
We’re all right where we should be
Lift my arms out wide I open my eyes
And now all I wanna see
Is a sky full of lighters
A sky full of lighters.. “
Part of Lighters lyrics from Bad Meets Evil: Hell the Sequel Album
How many of us are actually living our dreams?
This part of the lyrics remained me that although I am suffering from all the late nights and pressure to perform, at least I am persuing my dreams. I guess that’s enough for me for the moment.
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One more month.
One month left to go before I can free myself from the sufferings I have been enduring for the past 4 years!!
Seeeerriously.. I am so proud of myself for surviving through the kind of shit that was thrown at me throughout the years. And when I finally quit the place, I know that I am leaving the lab with knowledge on dealing with psychopaths and bullies. I am probably able to spot them MILES away!
Seriously! I can’t wait!!
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This lab does more mind fucking than science.
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Life isn’t suppose to be this tough.
I must be doing something wrong.
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I know it has been way too long since I last blog. I can’t even remember my user ID and password. Had to request a change for password before I can finally log in.
I dont think anyone still read my blog. But its ok, I have no idea what came over me, I am suppose to be writing a report that is due this coming Monday. But here I am, looking for anything else to do but writing the damn report. Yes, I know that I mentioned in my previous post that I am finally free from school. Guess what, I enrolled myself into the honours program.
I do not know if I have throughly thought it through before enrolling myself into the honours course. I mean, I can never know if this is the right path for me unless I tried, right? So I decided to take up this opportunity and enrol myself into a full time honours program. And now I am like, F***, what was I thinking??!!
I met up with my co-supervisor 2 days ago and this is what he told me:
“How can you handle 40 hours of paid work and 40 hours of honours work (a week), and still expect to do well for your honours?””
“I have a feeling that you are so much better than you seem. Who knows, you may be a really good post-doc someday.”
He looked really upset to find out that I am actually doing a full time job while juggling my honours course. I honestly thought he knew about it, it was never my intention to keep this from him. Every now and then, I can hear him mumbling about having to bring this up to the head of school. It was a tough one hour chat, more for my lecturer than for me. He has to find out how am I holding up, if I am talking enough to my main supervisor (my boss), and if I am progressing alright for my project.
I am seriously grateful to have such a dedicated co-supervisor to help me with my honours project. I said very little most of the time (due to the lack of sleep, and most of the time I do not know half of the things I am doing), and I am always amused by the big picture he manage to form from what little information I had given him. He is such an experience supervisor, I seriously do not know what will become of me if not for him. There is a REALLY high chance that I could flank this thing!
He advise me to quit this lab and start my honours project else where. Anyone else would have jump at this opportunity, right? I do not know what is holding me back still. All I told my supervisor is that I do not wish to give up on this project, afterall, I have already spend so much time on it. I never know I am this stubborn until now. Too stubborn for my own good.
Hai, I hope I will be able to survive this just like how I survive doing a full time degree course while holding a full time job. Pray for me. Please.
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.. life is getting so much better..
I am so done with all the night classes, all the late nights rushing through reports and assigments, cramming hundred pages of notes days before the exams, etc etc. But I guess I was so used to the depressing routine that it basically took me a few days before it finally kicks in: I am officially a free woman. =D
A few things i did to reward myself:
Time to call up some friends for a meet up! I hope you guys are free!! =D
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Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure
We asked ourselves,
Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous
Actually, who are you not to be?
— Taken from the movie Akeelah and the Bee —
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To My Dearest Beloved,
Thank you for bringing so much joy and comfort to my family in the last 5+ years. You will always be loved and missed by us.
Rest in peace.
I love you.
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I am having the WORST second year module EVER… Really should have took Genetics Course instead of Biotech.. =(
Must work hard for quiz tomorrow. 加油。。。!
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