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:(

Oh my god, I so need a break right now.

So not happy with what I am doing right now. WHY am I putting myself through this? I wish its not too late for me to find out what I really want to do in life.. =(

 

“This one’s for you and me
Living out a dream
We’re all right where we should be
Lift my arms out wide I open my eyes
And now all I wanna see
Is a sky full of lighters
A sky full of lighters.. “

Part of Lighters lyrics from Bad Meets Evil: Hell the Sequel Album

How many of us are actually living our dreams?

This part of the lyrics remained me that although I am suffering from all the late nights and pressure to perform, at least I am persuing my dreams. I guess that’s enough for me for the moment.

One more month

One more month.

One month left to go before I can free myself from the sufferings I have been enduring for the past 4 years!!

Seeeerriously.. I am so proud of myself for surviving through the kind of shit that was thrown at me throughout the years. And when I finally quit the place, I know that I am leaving the lab with knowledge on dealing with psychopaths and bullies. I am probably able to spot them MILES away!

Seriously! I can’t wait!!

What a shame

This lab does more mind fucking than science.

Life isn’t suppose to be this tough.

I must be doing something wrong.

I can do this.

I know it has been way too long since I last blog. I can’t even remember my user ID and password. Had to request a change for password before I can finally log in.

I dont think anyone still read my blog. But its ok, I have no idea what came over me, I am suppose to be writing a report that is due this coming Monday. But here I am, looking for anything else to do but writing the damn report. Yes, I know that I mentioned in my previous post that I am finally free from school. Guess what, I enrolled myself into the honours program.

I do not know if I have throughly thought it through before enrolling myself into the honours course. I mean, I can never know if this is the right path for me unless I tried, right? So I decided to take up this opportunity and enrol myself into a full time honours program. And now I am like, F***, what was I thinking??!!

I met up with my co-supervisor 2 days ago and this is what he told me:

“How can you handle 40 hours of paid work and 40 hours of honours work (a week), and still expect to do well for your honours?””

“I have a feeling that you are so much better than you seem. Who knows, you may be a really good post-doc someday.” 

He looked really upset to find out that I am actually doing a full time job while juggling my honours course. I honestly thought he knew about it, it was never my intention to keep this from him. Every now and then, I can hear him mumbling about having to bring this up to the head of school. It was a tough one hour chat, more for my lecturer than for me. He has to find out how am I holding up, if I am talking enough to my main supervisor (my boss), and if I am progressing alright for my project.

I am seriously grateful to have such a dedicated co-supervisor to help me with my honours project. I said very little most of the time (due to the lack of sleep, and most of the time I do not know half of the things I am doing), and I am always amused by the big picture he manage to form from what little information I had given him. He is such an experience supervisor, I seriously do not know what will become of me if not for him. There is a REALLY high chance that I could flank this thing!

He advise me to quit this lab and start my honours project else where. Anyone else would have jump at this opportunity, right? I do not know what is holding me back still. All I told my supervisor is that I do not wish to give up on this project, afterall, I have already spend so much time on it. I never know I am this stubborn until now. Too stubborn for my own good.

Hai, I hope I will be able to survive this just like how I survive doing a full time degree course while holding a full time job. Pray for me. Please.

And so..

.. life is getting so much better..

I am so done with all the night classes, all the late nights rushing through reports and assigments, cramming hundred pages of notes days before the exams, etc etc. But I guess I was so used to the depressing routine that it basically took me a few days before it finally kicks in: I am officially a free woman. =D

A few things i did to reward myself:

  • I went on a well deserved 7-days trip to Taiwan. I had so much fun and I would very very very much like to go again, hopefully next year.
  • I permed my hair!
  • Finally got rid of the lousy LG phone and gotten iPhone 4! All thanks to the fantastic cooperate plan that my company is offering. No need to queue for it too! Hehe.

Time to call up some friends for a meet up! I hope you guys are free!! =D